Hopefully the source of my sadness and difficulty in love situations has now been explained, even if in a rather abrupt manner. It's time for an update on the Burns supper.
So everyone that has followed the last few posts knows I've been having a rough time trying to reconcile with my grief. Yesterday and the night before were HARD. For no obvious reason, I've been drowned under my grief this last while. I managed to pull myself together to go to the Burns supper, and for most of the night it was ok. I was less talkative than usual, but most people didn't press me. However, though I usually enjoy Robbie Burns' poems, last night I found myself dreading the poem Tae the Lassies. Really dreading it. And with good reason, it seems. I should have left in the break and not taken a backwards glance. It was worse than I thought. Embarrassing, and horrible, and not something I found I could deal with in my current grief-stricken state. And I felt so stupid for not taking it as the banter it was meant to be, but I just couldn't do it. It brought back all the guilt I've been trying to reconcile myself with for the last 6 months. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings about this, and I still don't.
I think if someone comes and says something about it today, I could be very close to slapping someone in the face. I hate this. It's not me. I'm fed up of always having to appear stronger than I am, and always appearing to be a person I'm not.
Ugh!
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